This is my response to a blog by a fellow weight loss and health seeker (http://krisgetshealthy.com/2012/02/05/sunday-struggle/) who struggles with caring about a loved one that is not ready to embrace needed change in their lives.
I know how hard it is to accept that we cannot change another person, even those we love. As a daughter, a sister, and a parent, I have experienced this from every perspective. Between my natural fixer personality combined with religious ideology that tends to, in part, equate what we do with righteousness, I struggled for many years into my adulthood thinking that it was my job to fix or help other people. Over time and by the grace of God, I have come to the realization that I do not have the power of change in another person's life. Even God, himself, gives us the freewill to choose change or to reject change. Some may think that if God really loves us, he will force us to change, but in a real relationship choice must exist, otherwise, it is a owner/slave relationship that ultimately reduces one party to an object without humanity.
I take a lot of deep breaths when I find myself in close proximity with situations or people that I cannot change or even help. Amazingly, sometimes people will ask for your help and then reject the help that you can offer them. Their rejection is proof that they are still unwilling to do the work of change. Until they arrive at a place of willingness in their own mind and heart no amount of effort on your or my part will make any difference.
You may have heard that you shouldn't "throw your pearls before swine." Some might think that this is insult to pigs, but it is just trying to make the point that pigs could care less about pearls. Until a person cares about something for themselves, they may "trample the [idea] underfoot, and turn and tear [us] to pieces." You may not have experienced that severe of a response; unfortunately, I have. I have learned my lessons and am stronger, smarter and more at peace than I was before.
I have, reluctantly at times, had to leave people that I love to God and to the choices that they are making. There is a place of peace, and without guilt, that exists where we can fully accept the reality that ultimately we cannot change anyone but ourselves.
Peace and blessings to you on your journey,
Charlene
