We Can Only Change Ourselves

This is my response to a blog by a fellow weight loss and health seeker  (http://krisgetshealthy.com/2012/02/05/sunday-struggle/) who struggles with caring about a loved one that is not ready to embrace needed change in their lives.

I know how hard it is to accept that we cannot change another person, even those we love.  As a daughter, a sister, and a parent, I have experienced this from every perspective.  Between my natural fixer personality combined with religious ideology that tends to, in part, equate what we do with righteousness, I struggled for many years into my adulthood thinking that it was my job to fix or help other people.  Over time and by the grace of God, I have come to the realization that I do not have the power of change in another person's life.  Even God, himself, gives us the freewill to choose change or to reject change.   Some may think that if God really loves us, he will force us to change, but in a real relationship choice must exist, otherwise, it is a owner/slave relationship that ultimately reduces one party to an object without humanity.

I take a lot of deep breaths when I find myself in close proximity with situations or people that I cannot change or even help.    Amazingly, sometimes people will ask for your help and then reject the help that you can offer them.  Their rejection is proof that they are still unwilling to do the work of change.  Until they arrive at a place of willingness in their own mind and heart no amount of effort on your or my part will make any difference.

You may have heard that you shouldn't  "throw your pearls before swine."  Some might think that this is insult to pigs, but it is just trying to make the point that pigs could care less about pearls.  Until a person cares about something for themselves, they may "trample the [idea] underfoot, and turn and tear [us] to pieces."  You may not have experienced that severe of a response; unfortunately, I have.  I have learned my lessons and am stronger, smarter and more at peace than I was before.

I have, reluctantly at times, had to leave people that I love to God and to the choices that they are making.    There is a place of peace, and without guilt, that exists where we can fully accept the reality that ultimately we cannot change anyone but ourselves. 

Peace and blessings to you on your journey,

Charlene

Day 17,976 The Epic Story Continues

Day 17,856 marked the day I started my blog.  Today, day 17,976 marks 120 days into the rest of my life. I have lost 16 pounds since my recommitment to myself and the rest of my life.  I have lost 1 pound for every 7.5 days. 

My twitter friend @Lose4Good has lost 45.4 lbs since Jan 29, and she said "slow and steady is okay with me."  She is Speedy Gonzales compared to me.  She takes only 6 days on average to lose the same pound it takes me to lose in 7.5 days.  She and I have bonded via twitter, and her successes are my successes.  I am very proud of her and happy for her every time she hits a milestone or just passes up the evil vending machine.

You may have noticed that I like numbers. . . I plan to be a middle school math teacher when I grow up, which will occur in May when I graduate with my Bachelor's in education.  I find comfort in figuring the averages of my fitness minutes over a period of time . . . I know I am a bit strange, but at my age, I am very gratefully okay with being a bit strange.

I have to lose 4 more pounds to get back to where I was a year ago.  Then it is off to the races.  My goal is to lose an additional 40 pounds by my May graduation.  According to http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html I have 189 days to reach my goal, which means I must increase my effort by 50%.  I need to lose 1.48 pounds every 7 days to reach my goal.  I believe this is doable, because you cannot imagine how motivated I am.

Wish me luck, Godspeed, blessings on my efforts, strength to do the hard work, and clarity of vision and purpose.

Word/s of the Day:  FORGE AHEAD

forge
vb (intr)
1. to move at a steady and persevering pace
2. to increase speed; spurt

What Does Setting Realistic Exercise Goals Really Mean?

A couple of weeks ago, I set the goal of exercising for 500 minutes per week, which translates into 8.33 hours per week.  By the end of that week, I adjusted that goal to 420 minutes per week, which translates into 7 hours per week.   Twelve days in I knew I was going to have to adjust again.

On day 16 I knew if I kept a goal that I consistently could not reach I would hate myself and probably eat to punish myself.  Knowledge is power.

I have now reset my goal to exercising an "average" of 300 minutes per week which translates into 5 hours per week or an average of 42.86 minutes per day.  

The key word is "average."  I can do less than or more than 300 on any given week, and still meet my goal.  THIS GOAL IS DOABLE!!!

I am just excited that I have matured enough to see the forest for the trees.  Instead of complete abandonment of the exercise goal, I have regrouped, reassessed, and tweaked the plan.  I am so smart!

You know why I just said that, don't you?  Because that is what I would have said (You are SO smart!) to someone else who had accomplished a comparable task.  I am very good at patting other people on the back, but not so good at treating myself with the same amount of love and respect.

I am on track with my new goal.  If I have a bad couple of days, I can give myself a break.  The system has a built-in fail safe.  I was up late studying for a quiz the other night and legitimately needed to sleep an extra 30 minutes the next morning, but I can make up that time over the next week or two.  I am so excited!

Word of the day:  DOABLE!

Thank God for Music!!

I read some article somewhere where the author asserted that we shouldn't run or exercise to music, but should use the time to get in touch with our bodies!  Good for him, but PHOOEY on his idea, at least, for me.  I like getting in touch with my body with music playing that has a really good beat going!

When I am in my "den" gym, I use the Pandora function available on my Tivo.  Some days it is Thousand Foot Crutch, Hawk Nelson, Fireflight, Pillar, Linkin Park, and Disciple.  Other days it is U2, Simple Minds, and Coldplay.

Today, it was Michael Jackson, Earth Wind and Fire, KC & the Sunshine Band, Lipps, Inc., and Wild Cherry.

Disco music will never go away.  I am convinced it will and must play an important role in the future health of our nation!

Check out Pandora. You can used your computer to set up a favorite list of music to exercise to.

Word for the Day:  DISCO!

Failure is Not an Option

The infamous attitude of Gene Kranz and his team during the Apollo 13 manned mission was summed up by writers for the Ron Howard movie Apollo 13 with the words, "Failure is not an option."

My plight doesn't rise to the epic crisis of bringing a crew of astronauts safely back to earth after explosions created a life and death situation. However, this is my life, and it is epic to me. I must be the hero in my own saga. Failure is not an option.

I have used a lot of things as excuses to not exercise. My grown and almost grown kids have a lot of stuff in my house, and I have used that as an excuse not to exercise, because I "didn't have room to pull out the treadmill and the thigh trainer, etc....." But that has changed this week. I now have set up in the den, which has been my son's "space" previously.

Now you may think my new effort is somewhat anticlimactic compared to the reference to the Apollo 13 mission, but it is really the same. During the Apollo 13 crisis Gene Kranz and his team had to use what was available to the astronauts to come up with a solution to the problem. In the same way, I have had to use what I have to come up with a solution to the problem.

What I have available to me:

den

floor

pillows

dumbbells

thigh trainer

treadmill

tv

tivo

remote control

pandora

online stopwatch

Now I didn't have an explosion like the Apollo 13 mission, but in a way I did or do.

I have had problems with my back for 23 years now. It is a fact of my life and requires a certain amount of management and working around it.

All of the "trainers" do not seem to understand that I am never going to be able to increase my weights or jump or run. I can't do that little machine at the gym that you have to lean into. All of these things throw my back or shoulder or neck out, and I am in some level of discomfort ranging from mild numbness, tightness and tingling to debilitating pain.

If I do the regimen that I know I can do, it is a good regimen, and it works:

20-25 minutes of dancing to music I love with dumbbells in hand.

20-25 minutes floor exercises:  leg lifts, gut lifts, dumbbell arm exercises

10 minutes of Lateral Thigh Trainer

I have had to adjust the way I do my floor exercises.  There are no conventional abdominal crunches in my life. The neck can't take it.  I put a couple of pillows under my head and one under my butt.  I stretch my arms above my head and hold onto the underside of the couch which anchors my upper body, so things don't "pop" out.  Then I lift my legs instead of my upper body.  I do an assortment of leg lifts:  small movements up and down, longer movements up and down, bent knees pulled in toward my abdomen.  I make sure I can feel the use of my core muscles to complete the movements; because of my limitations in other areas, I tend to do higher reps than would be recommended for someone else.  I, also, turn slightly to each side to try to use the muscles on both sides of my rib cage.  These movements are my abdominal crunches, and, ironically, I think they are actually more effective than traditional crunches.

My explosion has lasted for 23 years.  I work around it every day of my life.

But that is okay.  I am still headed home . . to the place that I am supposed to be.  I am supposed to be me, in my real skin.  My real skin is not nearly so cumbersome or such a burden.  My real skin is a place of freedom to be who and what I want to be.

Home is the destination, and failure is not an option.