We Can Only Change Ourselves

This is my response to a blog by a fellow weight loss and health seeker  (http://krisgetshealthy.com/2012/02/05/sunday-struggle/) who struggles with caring about a loved one that is not ready to embrace needed change in their lives.

I know how hard it is to accept that we cannot change another person, even those we love.  As a daughter, a sister, and a parent, I have experienced this from every perspective.  Between my natural fixer personality combined with religious ideology that tends to, in part, equate what we do with righteousness, I struggled for many years into my adulthood thinking that it was my job to fix or help other people.  Over time and by the grace of God, I have come to the realization that I do not have the power of change in another person's life.  Even God, himself, gives us the freewill to choose change or to reject change.   Some may think that if God really loves us, he will force us to change, but in a real relationship choice must exist, otherwise, it is a owner/slave relationship that ultimately reduces one party to an object without humanity.

I take a lot of deep breaths when I find myself in close proximity with situations or people that I cannot change or even help.    Amazingly, sometimes people will ask for your help and then reject the help that you can offer them.  Their rejection is proof that they are still unwilling to do the work of change.  Until they arrive at a place of willingness in their own mind and heart no amount of effort on your or my part will make any difference.

You may have heard that you shouldn't  "throw your pearls before swine."  Some might think that this is insult to pigs, but it is just trying to make the point that pigs could care less about pearls.  Until a person cares about something for themselves, they may "trample the [idea] underfoot, and turn and tear [us] to pieces."  You may not have experienced that severe of a response; unfortunately, I have.  I have learned my lessons and am stronger, smarter and more at peace than I was before.

I have, reluctantly at times, had to leave people that I love to God and to the choices that they are making.    There is a place of peace, and without guilt, that exists where we can fully accept the reality that ultimately we cannot change anyone but ourselves. 

Peace and blessings to you on your journey,

Charlene

Jan 1, 2012 Triumph

Believe it or not, I was down another pound on January 1!!!  I have officially lost all of the 20 pounds I gained last school year, and now I am ready to proceed with the next 40 pounds.  My goal is to lose 40 pounds by my May graduation date.  I student teach this semester, about which I am very excited, and I will be continuing my early morning workouts this semester.

When I lose another 10 pounds I will be at a weight I have not seen since I was pregnant 20 years ago.  The 40 pounds that I want to lose by May represents all of the pregnancy weight I gained all those years ago plus an extra 5 pounds.  You see, I gained a total of 70 pounds during my pregnancy, and I have the most beautiful 19 year old son to show for it.  But it is high time for me to lose the weight.

I will set a new goal in May.  Technically, my BMI will still be in the overweight category, so I plan to lose an additional 8 pounds after the May deadline to reach the normal BMI range. After that I want to lose another 12 pounds.

I will enjoy being at that weight in a way that I was not able to enjoy all those years ago.  I would not have my picture made back then, because I always thought I was too fat, but I was not.  I am going to be mature this time around.  I am going to be happy with myself.  I am going to enjoy being alive.  I am going to enjoy wearing the clothes I want to wear. I am going to live in this new reality that I am creating for myself.

Survived the Semester (written December 13)

Okay, so I am going to tell you the good news before I apologize for being a posting loser. I finished another semester of school, and I am only 5 months from graduation. I managed to lose 10 pounds this semester, and I survived the dreaded Halloween to end of semester Valley of stressful Death period without gaining any permanent weight. I bobbled up and down a bit, but was the same in the final analysis.

I am still exercising, but it has been hard to be as consistent as I want to be. I was sick from mid Oct to mid Nov, so the exercise slowed down a bit in Nov. But I got back on the horse. Then I hit end of the semester stress and started another part time job (that makes 3 part time jobs), so the exercise took a back seat for a couple of weeks again.

The good report is that I exercised 36 min this morning and took a 45 min walk this evening for a total of 81 fitness minutes today.

I am still doing my 3-pronged circuit routine that I can do at home.
1 - Lateral thigh trainer
2 - Dumbbell dancing
3 - Floor exercises

I had to adjust my goal of 420 min per week to an average of 300 min per week. This goal is doable and attainable. Attainability is one of the markers of a good goal.

I used the community college gym some at the beginning of the semester; however, I had to drop that because I only had class on campus 2 days a week and could not afford to drive there on the other days; then our schedule changed to only 1 day on campus, so it was not working for me.

I do apologize for not checking in regularly, but then I think again about goal-setting and how it has to be attainable; otherwise, for me, it is not a good goal. So I am going to set the goal of posting something here at least once a month.

Day 17,976 The Epic Story Continues

Day 17,856 marked the day I started my blog.  Today, day 17,976 marks 120 days into the rest of my life. I have lost 16 pounds since my recommitment to myself and the rest of my life.  I have lost 1 pound for every 7.5 days. 

My twitter friend @Lose4Good has lost 45.4 lbs since Jan 29, and she said "slow and steady is okay with me."  She is Speedy Gonzales compared to me.  She takes only 6 days on average to lose the same pound it takes me to lose in 7.5 days.  She and I have bonded via twitter, and her successes are my successes.  I am very proud of her and happy for her every time she hits a milestone or just passes up the evil vending machine.

You may have noticed that I like numbers. . . I plan to be a middle school math teacher when I grow up, which will occur in May when I graduate with my Bachelor's in education.  I find comfort in figuring the averages of my fitness minutes over a period of time . . . I know I am a bit strange, but at my age, I am very gratefully okay with being a bit strange.

I have to lose 4 more pounds to get back to where I was a year ago.  Then it is off to the races.  My goal is to lose an additional 40 pounds by my May graduation.  According to http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html I have 189 days to reach my goal, which means I must increase my effort by 50%.  I need to lose 1.48 pounds every 7 days to reach my goal.  I believe this is doable, because you cannot imagine how motivated I am.

Wish me luck, Godspeed, blessings on my efforts, strength to do the hard work, and clarity of vision and purpose.

Word/s of the Day:  FORGE AHEAD

forge
vb (intr)
1. to move at a steady and persevering pace
2. to increase speed; spurt